planetary stripdown & personal leavetaking

how we value what we value

Re-Post from 12 December 2015 — that was nearly 8 years ago now…

My dear friend Lindsay got frustrated with her Buddhist practice’s lack of action in a world that needs such a conscious and kind approach. In the past 2-3 years she shifted gears and has been on the front lines of climate change action in London, Paris, and now at EcoDharma in Spain. Here in New Zealand another couple friends have shifted from careers focused on the personal to the planetary by creating Action Station, a way of encouraging actual democratic engagement by using technology to unite people around their shared passion for change.

So I ask myself, “What have I done for the planet lately?”

Seems to me we’re going through a planetary stripdown. Most people I’ve encountered, including myself, have come face to face with the core of themselves these past couple years. Whatever the individual incarnation or story is of this process, I’ve seen countless people facing disease, death, loss of home, loss of identity, loss of conviction, loss of job or meaning in work, loss of people they love who have taken their lives because they’ve in turn had a loss of conviction.

What I’m seeing is that we’re being stripped down to our essential core. And when we get there, when there is nothing left to hold onto, what’s left? Is that core hardy enough to withstand the winds of change blowing through our worlds right now? When you are stripped to that level of vulnerability, can you still stand tall within it?

It’s not a pretty process. I used to wonder why Virgos seemed so often to be complaining, until I realized an essential aspect of their nature is the purifying process of separating the chaff from the wheat — the usable from the unusable, the nutritive from the non-nutritive. And in that process they need to identify what is what. So it can sound negative when you’re continually holding up to the light the bits that don’t serve. Then when you clarify what does serve, what is essentially good, then there may be energy and effort required to strengthen it. And this all takes time.

And how many of us have made this effort unbidden? How many people enjoy going through their trash? People tend to die surrounded by their rubbish. I mean this literally as well as energetically. My brother had to clear out my father’s cabin in Arkansas and it was filled with trash. Not just chicken bones from the chicken he ate months ago, but also reams and reams of papers that he’d written his ideas on. Respect to my brother for wading through that.

Even my maternal grandfather who died this time last year and who lived in a fancy place with hired help, and who was a lawyer, left his things in a bit of a mess. My father, who had virtually nothing materially, still managed to write up a clear will and to take care of his things before he died, while my grandfather, who had plenty, did not manage this so well. And this is not uncommon really. It’s not just money and belongings that I’m talking about organizing to be passed on to your family. I’m also talking about reconciling relational debts.

So this planetary strip-down shows up in personal leave-taking. For some it’s their time to leave the planet so they are taking leave of their lives and all that their lives hold. For most, though, it’s taking leave of what no longer serves. Letting the chaff drop from the wheat and strengthening what remains. It might be a job. It might be stuff. It might be a person. It might be a way of being, or relating, with the world.

In this process Values become paramount. I’ve spent the last 2 years consciously examining my values and in particular I’ve been looking at how I value. When it comes to my relationship to the world through people, places, things, resources, ideas, I can cultivate my own value system. Somewhat.

Mostly I have found that values are relative.

As sad as it may sound, I’ve found that nothing has any inherent value in it, except what we place on it. If this process is not chosen and conscious, then it’s adopted from those around us without question. Oh, this costs this much because that’s how much you’re charging for it. But is that really it’s Value?! Or I value this relationship more than that one because that’s what my parents did or what my country does. But what about the intrinsic and cultivated value of each relationship?

When I was selling a good chunk of my belongings I didn’t put any prices on things because I was experimenting with this realization that Value is Relative. Value is also negotiable. The emotional value I invest something with is very simply not going to be valid for anyone else, unless they are in the same story. For example, this table was where I sat and played backgammon with my grandfather. If his grandsons or daughters or anyone else in his family developed a bond with him at that same table, then we have a shared investment in the emotional value of the table. And because of that we may very well have a fight on our hands. How odd is that!

I’m also talking about leaving things better than when you found them. And this is where I’m looking to ‘up my game’. I’m noticing how most of us, myself included, operate out of ‘how much can I get for how little I give?’ Without even questioning the value of the item — meaning the material resources it took to make, the transport costs to get it to you, the people who were paid (or not) in the process — I’m always on the hunt for the best deal. For how I can get it cheaper.

Now that I’m looking at it closely, this seems to me to be ass-backward. Because we all have way too much stuff. While driving through the US, I was astounded at houses that were overflowing with things. Literally, bulging at the windows of their porch with roof-high stacks of stuff. Stuff scattered into the lawns, like some kind of disease slowly spreading itself. Stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff, stuff….We’re so accustomed to “owning” things, to having our own individual tools that each house on a street is likely to have a drill and a ladder, but unless you’re a tradesman how often do you actually use those things?

Anyway, I’m digressing. What I’m trying to say here is that I’m really intrigued with this idea of knowing what I have and choosely it carefully because I intend to care for it. I have to store it and polish it. Yes it supports me, but I feel we’ve gotten skewed in our views on how much things ought to serve us. Or how much people or countries ought to serve us. What I mean by leaving things better than I found them is that I am doing the work of repairing any tears in relationships I value and want to keep. And re-leasing ones that are no longer nutritive.

When I stay at a place I am doing my best to leave it better than I found it. To clean, tidy, brighten or bolster the place and the people who do me the honour of housing me for a spell, who value me enough to have me stay under their roof. One day soon I would love to have my own little nest and when I get to that point I feel like I will have done a good bit of the work to move in with minimal unconscious baggage.

I realize that it’s so, so easy to accumulate. Somehow stuff flies into my life far faster than it flies out. So right now, part of me being stripped down comes from these past 2 years of living out of suitcases and re-cognize-ing that my intrinsic value is not in my home, my belongings or my stuff, but rather in my skills and my willingness to embrace change.

Even deeper than that is my trust that love feels better than fear. Each time I have to discern what to keep and what to release, I come back to this place of inquiry:

Am I afraid I won’t have this again?

Am I afraid I won’t have enough and that’s why I’m keeping it?

Or am I choosing it because I love it and want to be responsible for caring for it? And for carrying it.

One of the many advantages of travel is recognizing how little you can take with you, at least when you have to carry it all yourself. And in my experience of wading through the wake of those who have passed on, we seem to assume that it’s the job of the next generation to clear the detritus of our lives. We avoid talking about death and what will happen after we die. Yet in that avoidance we end up leaving our loved ones with the major job of sifting through our lives for us and determining what to keep and what to sell, recycle, or rubbish.

What I feel I can do for the planet is clear my own baggage, take out my own rubbish, and leave the place better than I found it. How about you? Are you going through a process of choosing to let go of things, places, people or behaviors? What insights have you gleaned from this opportunity to clarify how you value what you value?

A well-loved 1956 Austin Martin frame with new paint job, new seats and modern engine. Not “mine” but I enjoyed it for a moment!