positive procrastination

is what I do when overwhelm overwhelms

Overwhelm has been the most prominent word in my recent check-ins with folks, which makes perfect sense to me with all the retrogrades we're emerging out of. Along with all the activities, commitments and interactions we normally have, additionally, during a retrograde, there's an increased illumination, and therefore awareness of, the behind-the-scenes thoughts, feelings, and backstories.

In recent months we’ve been going through 3 inner planet retrogrades (not to mention outer planet zeitgeist shifts), so it’s no wonder so many of us feel overwhelmed! We’re attempting to navigate the swirl of increased self-awareness while also engaging in any real meaningful way with others.

We may feel like we’ve been struggling to keep our lil noses above the swim, struggling for a foothold to feel something solid and reliable to walk and talk forth from. This imagery is also redolent of the water signs involved in these recent retros — Venus and Mercury were moving from Pisces into Aries and then back to Pisces and now again marching forward from Aries. Also, Mars has been moving into Cancer then into Leo then back to Cancer for far longer than he normally backtracks and now, just now finally, moving forward from Leo.

Elementally we’ve been playing between water and fire, and maybe with a bit of steam involved. I have most definitely had some instances of letting off steam regarding others' idiocy, lack of focus, or inability to empathize beyond themselves. Does that even count?

Does feeling sorry for oneself count as empathy?!

While I’m being patient AMAP (as much as possible), while things sort themselves out and the timing and actions become apparent enough that I can then ‘do no other’, I can easily feel overwhelmed. Not least because I, by nature (with Mars and Jupiter in Aquarius) tend to operate octopussian-ly, meaning I am doing a great many things all at once but in small measures taken over time. I think of myself like an octopus working all 8 arms/brains in 8 different puzzles or pots.

What might those 8 branches of self be? Immediately what comes to mind is ashtanga—the 8 limbs of yoga that delineate 1-ethics, 2-aesthetic observances, 3-breath control, 4-movement, 5-withdrawal of the senses, all of which leads to 6-focus, 7-concentration and, ultimately, 8-unity consciousness. I might delineate a few of my own arms of engagement as my practices and presence in the field of yoga—including teaching live and online—as well as my current form of performative/artistic expression which is primarily stand up comedy. Another limb of my living is my astrology studies/teachings, which are currently mostly dwarf planet-focused. And then there’s my graduate level studies of environmental “management”. Not to mention numerous other strands that interweave and often tangle together, especially when I’m overwhelmed!

I’m sure you have your own complexities of exigency. If not, and you’ve managed to simplify (no mean task!) your living, then the unraveling of old systems and the up-shooting of new ones all around us—like crocuses brightening the ashen snow in early spring—is enough to complexify anyone’s life!

And also potentially liquefy most of our brains, which, from a yogic perspective is generally a good thing since we’re stronger, wiser and more flexible than we think. Our thinking is often limited while our spirit is unlimited.

In past, when I actually had a house!, and felt overwhelmed by the prospect of moving, my mom suggested I start by taking things off the walls. Even if it seemed like the easiest and perhaps the last thing I would think to do, that simple action of lifting the frames off their hooks and setting them on the floor signalled to my psyche that I was, in fact, moving. Then she suggested I start with the most obvious, easiest, and most available task in front of me. If you’ve moved house, you know it’s a puzzle of determining what will be needed right up to the last minute and what will be given away versus what to pay good money to store. Yet there will be many actions that are clear right away, if we can just manage to see through the overwhelm of the overall.

By building a momentum from the easiest towards the more complex, I empower myself to manage and navigate the complexity without getting lost in the intertia of overwhelm. This is positive procrastination.

I call this process positive procrastination because I momentarily put off the harder stuff, not from a mindframe of funk or confusion, but rather with the proactive intention to attend to what will need to be done anyway (like the daily cleaning), and is easiest, or requires the least fluffing around.

A part of my brain will protest and say, but making your flight arrangements is more urgent! Or doing your thesis is harder and needs more attention! I notice that the urgency usually comes out of some sense of scarcity—I don’t have enough time, money, energy, mental capacity... Yet when I can be brave enough to stay steady in the face of so much immediate change and seeming threat or urgency, then I am rewarded with the timing that is best.

That doesn’t mean I do nothing. It means I don’t give in to the reactive reflex to act (which arises from the delusion of control) without first having all the data and then also paying deep attention to the timing.

There are two dwarf planets in particular who have aided me in cultivating these capacities. The capacities, or potentialities, have been innate in my being all along, ready and willing to be cultivated, like seeds waiting for the right conditions to grow. A large part of those necessary conditions was the awareness that such capacities were possible at all! When we haven’t had something modeled around us, even if we’re capable of it, we are likely to struggle to develop that skill. We don’t have examples or even words for the possibilities.

For me, astrologese has given me those words. I see it as a language for human behaviour patterns that I have otherwise felt aswim in (or even felt I was drowning in) and it gives me a capacity for feelingization/visualization that I didn’t inherently have, or know how to identify. For example, my Jupiter in Aquarius is conjunct Salacia, our higher-love consciousness that is all about trusting in timing, process, and the sexy sovereignty that arises from that. We at Dwarf Planet University are considering her as the higher octave of Mars and Venus together. I verbalize that in this way, “Salacia goes about getting what she wants (Mars) by 'sticking firm to her values and sense of beauty/justice (Venus).”

Likewise, by clarifying my values of spaciousness, stability, sustenance, and stability (my Venus is in Taurus), I then resist rushing because it feels best to me. I prioritize good food and the sort of shelter that offers the solitude and focus I need. That clarity right there allows me to make all the small decisions that make up a life, like organizing myself according to where and how I can (afford to) get healthy organic food.

My way of going about getting what I want is somewhat contrarian, since my Mars is in Aquarius (ruled by Uranus, the planet that goes the other way on the ecliptic, as well as on a sideways East-West axis). Since I am currently in an economic place where I cannot afford both the level of shelter and the type of foods I most desire and value, I make the next-best decisions. For example, unlike most folks, I have chosen to not “own” a home or the animals I so deeply love and relate to (pets), but rather to look after the critters and homes of others.

That choice gives me a connection to what I value—animals, healthy food, sensuous surroundings, solitude—while also enabling another core value of mine — freedom. My natal Salacia, Jupiter, Mars, and Gonggong are all in Aquarius, a sign that prizes freedom above almost all else. We cannot contrarily go against the mainstream unless we have, or make, the freedom to do so.

It’s the myth of Gonggong that has particularly aided my management of overwhelm. Even before I knew of the Chinese red-haired water dragon mythology, I was already expressing his higher-level empathy and immense capacity to channel energies though I didn’t know to see, understand, and name it as such. I have also exhibited the lower-level expressions of overwhelm, tantrums, or feeling-in-a-funk when I couldn’t get or go my own way (he’s conjunct my Mars, which is all about taking action). Also, I have often experienced burnout from not having enough channels into which to organize the information coming at me from all my octopussian activities.

Without awareness, I would only incidentally land upon the higher expressions. Now that I know the potential for up-leveling that Gonggong’s alliance with my Mars encourages, there is no shutting that door of awareness or closing that window of possibility in how I can up-level in this area.

Ok, yes, there are days when I’m more focused on the nearly closed door or the overcast sky through the window, but, in general, once a crack of light comes through that door of awareness, once I know a thing, I can’t unknow it. Unless I devolve into dementia, which is perhaps part of why that malaise is so intensely disturbing.

So if all this information has overwhelmed you and yet you’re still here reading, thank you for holding tight! I’ll wrap it up and reiterate now:

To manage overwhelm, start with what is most clear and do-able. Clarify your values and, therefore, your priorities. Find the organizational system that works best for you in terms of filing away information or materials that are not currently needed, but will be required once that arm of your life comes alive again.

Which requires trusting the longer journey! Trusting in the unfolding timing and your capacity to meet what arises requires a wider view that helps to diminish the demand that all things be done now.

In order to have such trust you may then realize you want to cultivate certain aspects of self, such as organization, prioritization, patience, presence, confidence... Just how all those qualities come into place will depend on you and what feels and works best for your individuation!

Truly, I do know the complexity you face, because we all face our own particular iteration of it. We are all here together in this world that has so much uncertainty in it. We have all chosen (consciously or not) to be alive at this time and our task now is to see it as a game of evolution, of up-leveling to enlightenment, which is not so esoteric as you might imagine and really more about lightening up, and all that entails.

That shift of perspective into en-lighten-ing enables us to pull back from staring into the abyss of overwhelming uncertainty and change. We re-cognize that, rather than sink, we can fly. That change and death, are not about dying, but about living.

The super-powas we cultivate along the course of our lives are so rarely seen or celebrated because they are internal and often involve the patterns we abstain from. They are, as Wonder Woman models for us with her more feminine "weapons", the abilities to deflect density and distraction (her bracelets), to squeeze the truth out of life and stand strong for it (her lasso of truth), and skillfully wield our karma into dharma (her boomerang crown that can slice through, yet requires skill to catch on the return without, in turn, being sliced).

Supa Powas Activate!

This writing is part of my positive procrastination on a much harder bit of writing—my master’s research. That said, now I’ll re-engage with that more challenging realm. Thanks for being part of my world and may you and those you love be well.