The Great Reckoning
getting to easy is hard
re-post from 31 May 2021
I reckon we’re going through a Great Reckoning. Whaddya reckon?
Each in their own way, buffeted up against impermeable surfaces. Face to face with one self.
Steerage, I like to call it. A Charlie-Chaplin-esque form of neti-neti—not this, not that. Not here, nor there. Dr. Seuss would make good work of my living lately.
When reckoning with an immovable, insurmountable object, either change form to water-around-it or gas-over-it, or go another way. I don’t know about you but currently I’m feeling a bit battered, bruised and beleagured.
Sure, it’s all navigation, but it’s been so constant for so long it begins to feel like the ‘new black’. Buffeting is back in fashion. Where went boredom, ennui, privilege and entitlement?
So last millenium darling.
We’re training warriors now. And how.
And yet my salvation has been in beauty, kindness, humility, prayer, perseverance. All the saintly favorites.
Oh, if you liked Nanette, check out Hannah Gadsby’s next, Douglas, for the art her-story section on saints. I love intelligent observational humour that points out what we’ve all seen but rarely remarked on.
And that’s the thing too that’s saved me. Humour. I think it was 2016 when I found myself already 2 years into an unexpected, extended walkabout and pilgrimage for the waters of our world. It was then that I started “studying” comedy, stand-up in particular. So much was not-funny in the world, as I had the undoubted privilege to travel and experience places in person.
The not-funny was bringing me down, big time. A sense of hopelessness crept over me, although I still prayed daily (and do still to this day) for the waters to be blessed. This water and all waters. But it felt (and still feels) like it’s not enough.
Curious how often I have foregone the smallest thing, as being not enough. Which means I’ve done even less than ‘not enough’!
I’ve been learning, through experience over the years of consciously walking the waters, that water is life. And I am water.
I’ve been learning how easily I allow my waters to be colored, even fouled, by other creatures, environments, stories. Like many of you, I imagine, I feel porous, permeable. What’s required to stay clear, to continually wash free and clean?
If the most I can do is to purify my own waters, well that might not seem like enough, but it’s more than nothing. And this world could use a lot more love and intentionality, so let me start with the little more that I can offer it.
I found myself living the Lao Tzu quote that was my signature for so many years:
If you want to Awaken All of Humanity, then Awaken All of Yourself;
If you want to Eliminate All the Suffering in the World, then Eliminate All That Is Dark And Negative In Yourself.
Truly, The Greatest Gift You have To Give Is That Of Your Own Transformation.
Lately, I’ve returned to the Tibetan Bön practices of retaining consciousness during dreaming, sleeping and dying that I had been exploring nearly 2 decades ago (and that my yoga studio was partly named after - powa).
I rediscovered them by opening up my journals from that time, to aid me in writing my book. Truth be told that book is more likely writing me, than I am writing it! The section I was working on—First Winter—is seated in Ajna chakra, the energy centre of perception, vision, intuition, dreams. My journal reminded me how I’d been practicing this Bön dream yoga 18 years ago, during the last iteration of the Saros cycle of eclipses we’re right in the midst of now.
It was a perfectly aligned time for the material I needed because I had records of my dreams as well as life events for my writing. It was also a perfect affirmation of this seasonal, spiralic, cycling I have been exploring and teaching in MYOGA Freedom Season module since 2009
What with all the reckonings lately, including 3 deaths in 3 months and so many other types of dying and composting, I’ve been finding myself immersed in other Tibetan teachings. Like The Tibetan Book of the Dead. Also a short morning practice from Kum Nye that I’ve done pretty regularly for years, as well as re-member-ing Tibetan Sound Healing that I love so much. Plus, the place the Dalai Lama chose as his US base is in the town I call home when I’m stateside. All of a sudden, and everywhere I looked, it was Tibetans. Yet it’s actually been a slow steeping, over about 20 years’ time. They crept up on me somehow - those Tibetans…
What I’m finding through it all is a simplicity that I’m feeling more ready for. Ripe for. And one could even say all the reckoning has been the means of the ripening, the readying, for the business of Is-ness.
That simplicity is being the clear light, the luminosity.
So simple, yet as any of you know who’ve aimed for simple, it’s not necessarily easy.
It requires clearing away the clutter.
Clarifying the message, the medicine.
Again, all sounds so easy, but I no longer equate simple with easy. So much has to step down, get out of the way, surrender dare I say, for simple. Although, yes, ease is part of simplicity, so yes, in a way, ultimately simple must be at-ease, easy.
It’s just getting to easy that’s hard!
I even see a fear, an ego fear, of easy. So much to unpack…
In my stand-up I make fun of the conscious language-ing that’s gaining a foothold, finally. I make fun of it because it annoys me. And it’s also true.
When we change the language we change the game. Change our world.
I guess what annoys me is when it’s not genuine. But that’s what annoys me about most humans with their wordy communications—inauthenticity, or the lack of directness, of meaning what they’re saying. Plus I’m still working out this comedy stuff. It’s the trickiest business I feel I’ve done yet. Simple-seeming, yet for me it so far feels far from easy. I’m finding the ease slowly as I go, as I stumble and boulder up against things.
So yes while it’s true there’s so much to “unpack” it’s important to note, to give thanks for, the privilege to unpack in the first place (another bit in my stand up).
I feel the Tibetans are reminding me that ultimately this privilege needs to be taken seriously, as it is the only real work to be done in this life—
unpack the karmic traces and travel light
Maybe I’m destined for monkhood afterall.
The imagery I haven’t detailed yet is that each of these instances of reckoning have felt like intense mirrors—undeniable and confrontational check-ins.
Are you aligned, truly? Look closely. And even closer still.
Or are you carrying baggage? Literally, how much stuff am I still carting around, even after so many moves in my life that I’ve entirely lost count? Physically, in my face and body? Emotionally, in the colors I allow to infuse my precious days? Mentally, in the stories I choose?
And what’s it all come down to? Another quote I put vertically on the doorsill of Powa Centre, because I was always curious to notice who would see it written from floor to ceiling. Who sees what’s right there?
That’s one of the best ways I know to develop in-sight—hone your out-sight. Notice what you’re actually seeing. Be like Sherlock. So anyway, the quote:
You know what my secret is?
I don’t mind what happens.
-J. Krishnamurti
The origin of the word reckon means "to direct in a straight line," thus "to lead, rule." Hunh. It’s only in the minding that the trouble, the suffering, begins. And continues. It’s equivalent to me continuing to bash myself up against that immovable object. It’s clear in its Is-ness.
Now can I be?
Comments:
John Billington 2 years ago
Hey Poco
Its uncanny how the ether connects us. Your writing is beautiful. I have had many of the same reckonings of late with ample portions of introspect, deeper connection to the universal mind and how can I return to my origin and still be me.
So many memories returning to be reconciled. So many times that my guardians were there to prevent me from an early exit. So many thoughts that waste my time and so many that are clearly not my own. Like radios we broadcast and receive. Recognizing those from outside that tend to wake the ego and those that make me shout - shut up! Get out! I don't want to be you.
This is Karma. It is the noise in your head. Its the recycling of absurd social common with the unhealthy combination of primal survival instincts.
'I don't mind what happens' has been a deeply personal pursuit since moving to Sunny Dell. Sometimes I'm there and then I slip back to becoming a receiver again. Oh how challenging it is to don't mind. If I could live each day as if it were my last... and I have had a few of those recently... I'm sure I could tune my radio to that web of dark matter that seems to connect everything.
Your words are a welcome reprieve. I've had a tough day. I was meant to get up from my whiny self and partake with you on a more enlightened path.
Love always,
John
Melissa Billington2 years ago
Wow, so lovely to read from you Uncle! Thank you for chiming in. I've been calling it The Great Reckoning, speaking for myself, however I have noticed how nearly every person I've connected with has had their own iteration of a Great Reckoning. Much love to you and your'n, Mox
Dear John (I know, I know, that old joke!),
I've just had a few more moments to re-read your response and wanted to thank you again. So many nodes of connection--it would be good to be in the wood, wondering aloud-and-so together. One day soon!
I just love your clarity and ability to name the things. And carry on with love. I have some sense that a warrior is one who still stands in love, even having known the worst.
I'm so glad you have Sunny Dell. And all the blessings.
Love always to you,
Poco